Woke up at 6 to run.
Weighed myself, looked in the mirror and decided I was skinny enough to go back to bed.
Midday run it is.
I’ve been pretty good at the whole fitness thing (as always #amiright?) but lately with studying and stress and drama and all the things I’ve let the whole food thing slip.
Treats have been my
only little friend.
- Gummi bears
- Sour gummi bears
They always say the right thing and don’t let you down ;)
Everyone in my life has had some sort of drama going on as of late. I feel bad telling them to put theirs on hold and listen to me - but that’s what I’m feeling. My professional accounting exam is a BIG DEAL. One hundred multiple choice questions in 4 hours - 2.4 minutes a question in all competencies (tax, finance, assurance, performance measurement etc).
I have to pass it.
My friends know it’s a big deal but they don’t understand the level of stress that comes with it or how I’m feeling. It’s really hard for me to be 100% there for them when I feel like no one is quite there for me.
Professors advise us not to make life changes during the next year or life decisions because you don’t have the time nor mental capacity to deal with it all. Meanwhile I just landed myself a boyfriend and have all the friend stress in the world.
- New boyfriend
- One friend is dating a guy who another friend had a serious thing for
- That guy also skinny dipped with said other friend while in a relationship with someone else
- Another friend is considering dropping out of law school before she’s even finished 1L
- I’m not talking to another friend because she was rude when I started dating E (choosing not to ‘sleep’ with him before we’re in a legitimate relationship does not make me ‘no fun’ or ‘depressing’ or ‘judgemental’ - it’s MY choice)
- The friend dating the new guy also ditched me twice in one day and never apologized
- Another friend just started a new contract position, got messed up at the Christmas party and is now freaking out, meanwhile half the office is allegedly asking her on dates
- I feel compelled to tell the friend who liked the boy that my friend is seeing him
It’s just a lot going on right now and I don’t have the brain power or energy to stress about those things alongside everyone while grinding through my own final exams AND tutoring AND prepping for the CKE.
God help me.
Needless to say, I need to rely on my own ability to deal with everything and not just eat all the candies to make myself feel better. I’m looking better than ever and a bad exam season of eating will not help.
Just because its finals and I’m ridiculously stressed and all the drama and a boyfriend doesn’t mean the world goes to hell.
No more candies until Christmas.
Of course the day I’m out of bed at 6AM and at the gym by 20 after… the gym doesn’t open until 7.
Stupid final exam season schedule.
Looks like the workout will be put off until later.
For all the drama my friends deliver sometimes.
I don’t want to be the listening ear sometimes.
It’s finals, it’s CKE time - just let me be.
I understand you were excited for me when E came along but I don’t have the mental capacity to reciprocate right now.
Sorry but I’m really not that sorry. I’m a damn good friend 99% of the time - I need my 1% right now.
GPOY | The Familiar Red Wall
It begins again folks.
Study central over here on campus.
Long days of bringing all my food to campus, living at my ‘Gerry’s Table’ and learning to sit on my butt for hours on end (it’s a required skill of professional exam writing that I haven’t mastered yet)
The fitness will NOT be suffering through this process.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Game face ON!
It’s a big day!
I have finally hit a ‘healthy’ BMI.
Sure I’ve been ‘healthy’ for awhile now and I take care of myself but I had never hit that elusive goal BMI.
Well, that day has come.
Many people put a lot of weight in BMI as the primary standard of health despite there being so many variables that are not taken into consideration. I take it with a grain of salt. However I’ll admit that it’s nice to finally fall into healthy in such a widely regarded standard.
I’m not sure when I’m going to be at a weight or size that makes me happy. 173 still sounds so heavy to me - that’s many peoples starting weight! But that puts me at about 75 pounds down and that’s pretty great!
P.S. This is exactly what I needed this morning before I go meet all his people at his birthday party.
Sounds so shallow but I just want to feel good about myself tomorrow - if I don’t it’s going to be a rough night.
Tomorrow is E’s birthday, where I’m apparently going to meet all his friends.
20 of them - including his brother and sister.
I ran today in hopes that would make me feel better about the situation. It was freezing cold and windy so it didn’t go so well.
Tomorrow will be all the healthy foods and a ton of water in hopes that I feel smaller tomorrow.
Don’t be a hater. The female brain is a strange place.