The New Life of Laura

Life is GRAND!
I'm a recent graduate from an Ontario university, signed to a full time position for 2014, maintaining 70lbs of weight loss, working on my fitness, and exploring the world!

I am my own:
Personal chef,
Personal trainer,
Weightloss coach

Body image issues in action.

I’m off to another wedding this weekend; this time it’s my cousin marrying his girl of 10 years. 

I don’t have a prescribed dress for this one since I’m just a guest which makes this so much harder.

I’ve gone through 4 or 5 dresses so far.

I’ll buy one because I love it in the store, try it on at home still love it, try it on a few days later and hate it with every fibre of my being and refuse to wear it. Try it on a couple days later and be alright with it.

How does this change so fast?

I don’t think you can really understand body image issues until you’ve really dealt with them. When you change sizes from small to big or big to small your mind doesn’t always follow along.

I’m nearly 6ft tall and a size 8/10. I’m really not a big girl. 

Sure my back is broad and muscular, my arms have a greater circumference than some but not because they’re flapping in the wind. They’re strong, my back is strong, my core is strong, my legs are strong - thank you lifting and CrossFit. That makes them a little bigger than average.

But trying on clothing is the most torturous experience perhaps of all time for me. I hate clothes shopping. This makes finding a dress for an event where I want to feel beautiful/sexy/pretty/attractive really, really difficult. 

My mom thinks I’ve gone off the deep end as does my sister. Neither of them have gone from a size 22 to a size 8 ever in their lives. I don’t know that my sister has ever worn anything bigger than a size 8 in her entire life.

I’m fingers crossed that the dress I have will feel great day off (even though I’ve had days of hating it with a serious passion).

Pumpkin bread; in case the UFE doesn’t go as planned #challahatyourgurl #baking #carbloading #fall #dontquityourdayjob #moveovermartha

Pumpkin bread; in case the UFE doesn’t go as planned #challahatyourgurl #baking #carbloading #fall #dontquityourdayjob #moveovermartha

A new level of exhaustion

I have never been so mentally and physically exhausted in my life.

I struggle to have conversations and quickly put sentences together.

Today I finished the 3rd day of a 13 hour exam.

It was the accounting equivalent of the BAR - the UFE. Except that we write 3 exams over the course of the year starting with a 1 day exam (CKE), then 2 days (SOA), and finally this killer of 3 days, 7 cases (UFE).

The only way I know how to get through these kinds of things is to work out my stress in the gym. However, I also fuel my writing with gummy bears and carbs because there really isn’t a lot of time to eat during these things.

Exam writing and CrossFit on gummy bears and no vegetables is a real struggle.

Today it all came to the crux. Last day of the exam, horrible workout. We were to do rope climbs and I honestly could not get up the rope. I couldn’t hold on to bring my legs up. It was so frustrating.

I have officially (save for passing) have finished 5 years of studying with only one term off completely in the last 5 years. It really hasn’t hit me yet that it’s completely over. I don’t have the sense of accomplishment but I know its coming.

I’ve got my ticket to ride all printed and ready to roll. #ca #tickettoride #ufe2014 #HCinpreparation

I’ve got my ticket to ride all printed and ready to roll. #ca #tickettoride #ufe2014 #HCinpreparation

A little off the rails

Things have been a little off the rails in the last week or so.

Stress.

Busy schedule.

Lots of social events.

They will get back to normal.

However not until after my 3 day, 13 hour exam.

I’m also allegedly up 3lbs but I think it’s a temporary thing. Fingers crossed.

#limolivin #weddinglife #kaitlinanddaniel #sept52014 #sittinpretty

#limolivin #weddinglife #kaitlinanddaniel #sept52014 #sittinpretty

Almost done studying.

I have one more case to write tomorrow and then my studying is pretty well done.

I’m not to touch any technical studying between now and the exam.

I’m going to have so much spare time.

I’ve decided I need to get back to the Spanish speaking life. I feel like having a second language will really help me at work and my Spanish isn’t bad (I can do more than ask for a beer…) - and I enjoy learning it.

I think that’s a good personal life goal beyond the usual health and physical goals I have.

I woke up like this.
Studying my life away once again.
How was my long weekend?
Awful.
How will this week be?
Equally awful.
Except my longest childhood friend is getting married on Friday crazy which is CRAZY! Time to get my bridesmaid on.

I woke up like this.

Studying my life away once again.

How was my long weekend?

Awful.

How will this week be?

Equally awful.

Except my longest childhood friend is getting married on Friday crazy which is CRAZY! Time to get my bridesmaid on.

I’m in a tough place…

Emotionally.

I’ve been studying in my hometown since January (save for my travels) and it’s taking such a toll on me.

I have friends who are studying for the same exam but they live in Toronto already so they can go out, hang out, date people, run around the town on their off time.

I haven’t worked in 2 years and live 45 minues out of the city. Thus, I can’t really afford to be in Toronto all the time.

I’m stressed out, I’m frustrated, I’m overwhelmed.

I basically live my life on the verge of tears.

My exam is in a week and a half - there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I start my job one month from today. There are good things coming in my future but it’s just so hard to stay positive and excited about those things when you’re so frustrated about the here and now.

There’s really nothing I can do right now except for head down, grind to the exam day with some running and crossfit thrown in. I just want to go back to living the dream. I want to get on with living my life and my career.

/End rant.

Where I’m at.

I ate much too much pizza and chips yesterday.

I guess thats what happens when you’ve been eating well for awhile - sometimes you just want some junk. I’ve also been studying my life away but have kept away from candy for the last week so I’m doing alright.

I vowed to take a minimum of 36hours off of physical activity. That was before I did the math. If I run today then I took about 34 hours off. Acceptable.

Yesterday at CF I managed 3 thursters at 105 - it was 6AM but I think I probably had at least 110 or 115 in the tank.

My back is starting to look jaaaacked. Totally into it.

I’m going to see the F word tonight.

Count this in the pile of totally incoherent posts.